These make my day anytime i read them... i repeat-priceless!
"If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it."
"There is never enough time to do all the nothing you want".
Mom: What would make you DO something like this??Calvin: Poor genetic material!
"Life's too darn short to waste time trying to please every meddlesome moron who's got an idea how I ought to be."”I agree. What about you? “
Calvin to Hobbes: The surest sign that Intelligent Life exists is it hasn't tried to contact us.
Calvin's Dad: The best way to enjoy your job is to have a hobby thats even worse.
C: I've been thinking, Hobbes.H: On a weekend?C: Well, it wasn't on purpose...
"The thing about life is its never so bad that it cant get worse"
Calvin: I want the last piece of pie! Don't divide it up! Give it all to me!Calvin's mom: Don't be selfish, Calvin.Calvin: So the real message here is 'be dishonest'?
“You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse! “
"Do I need a reason for everything?"
'I don't want to be victimized by the notions of virtuous behavior'
"Mothers are the necessity of invention"
Calvin : "Me Tarzan, king of Jungle"Susie : "Nice underpants, does your mom know you’re over here like this"Calvin : (while going back frustrated) "i don’t think jane EVER said that to Tarzan"
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words!
“If ignorance is bliss, this lesson would appear to be a deliberate attempt on your part to deprive me of happiness, the pursuit of which is my unalienable right according to the declaration of independence. I therefore assert my patriotic prerogative not to know this material. I'll be out in the playground”
“Every day of my life I’m forced to add another name in the list of people that piss me off".
“I let my mind wander and it didn't come back"
"Reality continues to ruin my life..."
C to Susie " Go play in a microwave"
C: Mom, can I have another plate?M: Why?C: Well, somebody just puked on mine.
“I wish I was dead....well no, not really. I wish everyone ELSE was dead. “
Calvin to Hobbes: I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me
“People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children. “
“Weekends don't count unless you spendthem doing something completely pointless.”
“Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.”
"I know that life is unfair but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?"!!
Mum: Someday I hope you have a kid that puts you through what I've gone through. Calvin: Yeah, Grandma says that's what she used to tell you.
“I liked things better when I didn't understand them. “
Calvin: I've got an idea, Dad. Maybe I'd get better grades if you offered me $1 for every "D", $5 for every "C". $10 for every "B", and $50 for every "A"! Dad: I'm not going to bribe you Calvin, you should apply yourself for your own good. Calvin: Rats. I thought I could make an easy four bucks.
Calvin's science assignmentIf I were a scientist, I would invent a time machine, go to yesterday and then directly to tomorrow, so that I can skip this stupid assignment.
Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some!"
"If u feel like doing some work....sit down and wait until the feeling goes away"
Calvin: You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.Hobbes: What mood is that?Calvin: Last-minute panic.
“There is an inverse relationship between how good something is for you and how much fun it is!
Calvin’s mom: Who wrote, “help I'm a bug" on my letter to grandma?Calvin: Evidently some bug, how strange.
The problem with people is that they're only HUMAN.
"You know what's weird, I don't remember much of anything until I was 3 years old"
Calvin to mom (middle of the night)” do you think love is just a biochemical reaction designed to make sure genes get passed on??
Mom
-whatever it is its what’s keeping me from strangling you now..
Nothing helps a bad mood more than spreading it....
